Respect vs Protection: Rethinking How We Support Disabled Adults

Part of a series exploring disability, dignity, and the stories society tells about disabled lives

Disabled people don’t need to be treated like children—we need to be treated like adults.

Support for disabled individuals has greatly improved during my lifetime, and it’s been inspiring to see. In Canada and the United States, many intellectually disabled people were once placed in institutions from a young age. These places were often little more than warehouses, where abuse and neglect went unnoticed by the public for decades. Today, most of those institutions are closed. Disabled people are far more likely to grow up with their families, attend public schools, and live in community settings with various levels of support.

Disabled individuals are participating in their communities in ways that were once impossible. We work, volunteer, date, marry, raise children, travel, start businesses, attend concerts and theaters—and sometimes perform in them. In short, we do many of the same things our non-disabled peers do.

And yet, despite this progress, a persistent cultural narrative still portrays disability as tragedy. Disabled lives are often described as burdensome or inferior. Some people openly question whether disabled people should have children—or even whether we should exist at all.

Living with those attitudes can be draining, especially when they appear in people who are paid to support us.

Of course, few professionals would openly admit to holding ableist beliefs. But like many forms of prejudice, ableism can be subtle and deeply rooted. People may not even realize the assumptions they carry.

Here’s a helpful question for providing support:

Would I treat a non-disabled person this way?

If the answer is no, it’s worth taking a moment to rethink.

And if the answer is yes, it may still be useful to ask whether the behavior would be appropriate for anyone.

Remember Who Support Is Really About

One of the most important things support workers need to remember—especially when working with intellectually disabled people—is that they are adults. Society often infantilizes disabled people, but adulthood doesn’t disappear because someone needs support.

The support experience isn’t about the support worker. It’s about the person receiving support.

Of course, boundaries still matter. If someone hires you for a specific type of support and consistently makes it impossible for you to provide that, or behaves abusively, that issue needs to be addressed. Disabled people, like everyone else, are responsible for their behavior, and support workers have the right to end a contract if necessary.

But whenever possible, the person receiving support should be empowered to guide how that support is provided within the agreed-upon boundaries of the role. That’s how adults conduct business.

What Respect Looks Like in Practice

When support workers treat disabled clients as adults, that respect shows in small but meaningful ways.

They address clients using their preferred name or nickname instead of generic terms like “buddy,” “hon,” or “champ” (unless the client asks for those). They respect personal preferences around pronouns, sexual orientation, and how someone describes their disability. These are deeply personal choices, and support workers shouldn’t impose their own preferences.

They respect the client’s living space. They don’t move personal belongings or rearrange a home without asking first. They remember that when they enter a client’s home, they are a guest.

They respect bodily autonomy. When physical help is needed, they explain what they’re going to do and why before touching someone. They offer assistance rather than forcing it, and they follow the client’s directions whenever possible.

They respect choice. Because support workers take their role seriously and want the best for their clients, they may be tempted to override client decisions that seem unsafe or unhealthy, “for their own good.” But that’s not support, it’s control.

This list is far from complete, but the core principle is simple: disabled people deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and the understanding that trust has been placed in those who support us.

We’ve made great strides toward a world where disabled people can fully participate in community life. That progress is worth celebrating.

But respect, dignity, and autonomy aren’t achievements we accomplish once and then move on from. They are the choices that those around us make daily—especially when we have trusted them to support us.

Having the Conversations

Most support workers genuinely want to provide respectful, empowering support, but the culture surrounding disability can still carry subtle ableist assumptions. Conversations about autonomy, dignity, and adult identity matter—not only for disabled people, but also for those of us who work alongside them.

If your organization is interested in promoting more disability-affirming approaches to support, these are conversations worth having.